There are twenty-six presents hidden in Connecticut homes today that were intended for those who died in Newtown to celebrate your upcoming birthday. These presents are unlikely to be returned for refund; they’ll more likely be hidden deeper, brought out on certain anniversaries to grieve, blame or regret until one day in the distant future somebody’s executor might donate them to a charity, unknowing of their provenience. It will most likely be a church charity you’ll be pleased to know, so maybe you could consider something in return.
I’ve got a favour to ask you, and since I’ve learned that praying to you doesn’t always make it onto your priority list, I’m hoping you’ll pay greater attention to this letter – hey, you’re even watching me type it, right? Anyway, this favour, it’s a biggie: – I know you’ll take no responsibility for the slaughter in Newtown CT – your reps down here have explained to us ad nautical how we’re not perfect [sic.] and you gave us Free Will to do evil if we chose to. What I want you to do is just withdraw that Free Will from a handful of people who through no fault of their own are mentally ill or otherwise not equipped to differentiate properly between right and wrong. Now how hard could that be to you, eh?
You are an omnipotent and divine being who can see into the minds of every one of the seven-odd billion human beings on this planet and so have intimate knowledge of their intentions from nanosecond to nanosecond. All I ask is that you, sort of ‘suspend’ Free Will from, like, anyone that you see is about to slaughter twenty-six people of your creation or somesuch similar bad thing.
In furthering my case I would like you to consider that you would be ‘Wasting Your Talents’ (©You, Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-28) were you not to use your almighty power to carry out my humble request. We both know that you and your son our shepherd frown on not using one’s talent, right? And hey, I’m a reasonable man – if it ain’t doable, why not, say, compromise – like, maybe temporarily withdraw Free Will only from those sheep of your flock who are about to target kids in particular.
You’re a good guy; loving, caring etc., especially towards little children, right? I really hope that you will give my request some serious consideration.
Mike (you know which one, right?)
Charlotte Bacon, 2/22/06, female (age 6)
Daniel Barden, 9/25/05, male (age 7)
Olivia Engel, 7/18/06, female (age 6)
Josephine Gay, 12/11/05, female (age 7)
Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 04/04/06, female (age 6)
Dylan Hockley, 03/08/06, male (age 6)
Madeleine F. Hsu, 07/10/06, female (age 6)
Catherine V. Hubbard, 06/08/06, female (age 6)
Chase Kowalski, 10/31/05, male (age 7)
Jesse Lewis, 06/30/06, male (age 6)
James Mattioli, 03/22/06, male (age 6)
Grace McDonnell, 11/04/05, female (age 7)
Emilie Parker, 05/12/06, female (age 6)
Jack Pinto, 05/06/06, male (age 6)
Noah Pozner, 11/20/06, male (age 6)
Caroline Previdi, 09/07/06, female (age 6)
Jessica Rekos, 05/10/06, female (age 6)
Avielle Richman, 10/17/06, female (age 6)
Benjamin Wheeler, 9/12/06, male (age 6)
Allison N. Wyatt, 07/03/06, female (age 6)
Rachel Davino, 7/17/83, female (age 29)
Dawn Hocksprung, 06/28/65, female (age 47)
Anne Marie Murphy, 07/25/60, female (age 52)
Lauren Russeau, 1982, female (age 29)
Mary Sherlach, 02/11/56, female (age 56)
Victoria Soto, 11/04/85, female (age 27)
c/- your place.